Punch Buggy
by creepyapplelady
Summary: WARNING: this story contains Barney, chia pets and other nasty things. consider yourself warned. complete
1. everyone's reading over your shoulder

****

Punch buggy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of these characters, although I wish I did so that the person who died in OOTP wouldn't have died because it was totally unfair. So please do not sue me, I'm just borrowing these characters and am not even going to pretend that I own them because… well, I don't.

A war between good and evil in a new setting. Lots of fun and nothing nasty I promise. PG rating for mild swearing just to be safe.

Chapter 1 The Letter

Harry was sitting eating breakfast in the Great Hall, chatting with his friends when Draco Malfoy came over. He steals a donut out of Harry's hand and starts to walk off.

" Hey gimme that back!" exclaims Harry.

"What're ya gonna do if I don't?" said Draco

"I'm gonna beat you up," Harry said.

"Are not" said Draco

"Am too," said Harry.

"Are not" said Draco

"Am too," said Harry.

"Are not" said Draco

"Am too," said Harry.

"You are not you're too much of a weakling." Draco says

In response Harry said, "Yeah well maybe I am but my dad can beat up your dad."

"Oh he can not," says Draco, "seeing as he's DEAD!"

Harry was taken aback; he didn't usually say things as stupid as he had just done.

" Yeah well, my godfather can beat up your life size Barbie of a dad." Harry shot back.

Draco pouted and looked hurt.

"My dad doesn't look like a Barbie does he Crabbe?" Draco asked Crabbe who was standing beside him.

"Uhh is that a trick question?" Crabbe responded stupidly.

Draco was just about to open his mouth to respond when Snape came walking over.

"What's going on here," Snape said, "Have you been picking fights again Potter?"

To this Harry said, "No you dumdum, Draco's trying to steal my donut."  
Snape eyed the donut and Harry could have sworn he had seen some drool come out of Snape's mouth and Draco distinctly heard Snape mutter mmmm donuts.

" This donut seems to be filled with evil magic, therefore I must dispose of it by putting my life in grave danger and eating it."

"But how do you know it's evil sir?" Harry asks

"I just do," said Snape while he crammed the whole donut into his mouth.

Draco sneered and walked off and Snape went back to the teacher's table.

" Oh cheer up Harry, its just a donut" said Hermione as the owls flooded into the hall and swooped around. 

A big, fat owl landed with a fwump on the table right in front of Harry. Harry took the letter after much searching through the owl's immense flubber. It was a miracle that it could fly at all. The letter was addressed to Harry and he opened it and read it with Ron and Hermione reading over his shoulder.

Dear Harry,

How do you feel about going on vacation this summer? If you want to go I'll meet you outside the barrier at the end of term. You can bring Ron and Hermione with you it you want and anyone else who wants to come is welcome to as well, but lets try to keep it small, only six including you at the most, the car I got won't handle any more.

Hope to see you soon. I have no idea where we're going but we'll work it out later.

Sirius

"Cool," Harry murmured to himself and turned around to look at Ron and Hermione and found that the whole school had crept up behind him while he was reading and they had all been reading over his shoulder. Even all of the teachers had been reading as well. When the others noticed that Harry noticed them they quickly took off, leaving just Harry and Hermione and the Weasleys, Fred, George, Ginny and Ron.

" So what do you think," said Harry, "you guys wanna come?"

"Yeah!" chorused the others.


	2. punch buggy

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Chapter 2- Punch Buggy!

As the Weasleys, Hermione and Harry stepped through the barrier from Platform 9 ¾ they saw Sirius waiting for them.

"Hi kids," Sirius said, "ready to go?"

"You bet!" Fred and George said enthusiastically.

Sirius led the kids towards the parking lot and stopped in front of a bright pink…

"PUNCH BUGGY!" yelled Hermione and punched Harry who grinned and punched Ron. Ron looked bewildered and punched Ginny who punched Fred who punched George who punched Sirius. Hermione and Harry laughed at the Weasley's and Sirius's confused expressions.

"Why did you do that?" Sirius asked Hermione.

"Oh it's a muggle thing," said Hermione, "whenever you see a car like that one you punch the person next to you and yell punch buggy."

"You muggles sure have wacky ideas," said Sirius, "well, let's pack up our stuff and go!"

The car had been magically expanded so that the Weasleys, Hermione, and Harry could fit comfortably in the back seat with Sirius driving up front. The trunk had miraculously been able to manage the six trunks and Sirius's suitcase.

" Are you sure you know how to drive?" Hermione asked Sirius, looking worried.

In response Sirius flicked something on and said to Hermione, "With this I won't need to."

Suddenly, the car asked, "Where would you like to go?"

"See," said Sirius, "I don't need to drive at all, I just… NO Ron NO!"

Sirius had just seen Ron try to open Pigwidgeon's cage and had yelled for him not to.

"What?" asked Ron.

"Don't open that cage Ron, you know how excited he gets, I don't want him loose in the car." said Sirius.

As this conversation went on, nobody seemed to notice that the car had taken off and started to fly.


	3. the muggles are staring

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the things that are used in this chapter including but not limited to Harry Potter and the other characters.

Once Sirius had duct taped Pigwidgeon's cage shut so that Ron absolutely could not open it, (he didn't trust Ron too much for some reason) he finally noticed that the car was flying.

"Uh where are we going?" Ginny asked sticking her head out the window.

"No idea, the car just took off," said Sirius, "I guess we'll just have to see what happens."

And with that Sirius switched on the radio. 

"Born to be wiiiiiiiillllllld! Do do do do doo doooo!" Hermione sang along with the radio that had started to play "Born to Be Wild" by Steppenwolf.

"Hey this song reminds me of my old flying motorbike," said Sirius, "did I ever tell you that I got it back after I was cleared?"

" Really," said Harry, " how did you manage that?"

"Oh Hagrid still had it, I lent it to him once and he must have held onto it thinking I'd be back for it, but that was just before I got arrested." said Sirius, " but it still works good, Hagrid took good care of it, I even found a sidecar for it at a muggle garage sale. I was gonna take you guys on vacation in it but it broke down last week."

" I dunno, this song reminds me more of Fred and George," said Ginny.

Fred and George pretended to look flattered and joined in singing with Hermione.

They passed the hours listening and singing along with the radio, which was really just the car singing all the songs it knew, and being that it was a rather old car, it only knew about 10 songs from the late 60s, 70's and 80's and could never quite remember all the words, but Hermione, who seemed to know all the songs off by heart filled in the blanks. After about the third play-through of all the songs it knew, the others started to sing along. 

After a while the car came down with a bump in the middle of a baseball field in some sort of open-roofed stadium.

"Where the hell are we?" asked Sirius, "and what the hell are these people doing?"

" Well," said Harry, " I know these are muggles and I think they're playing baseball, but I have no idea where we are."

"Ooh, ooh, I think I know where we are, we're in the Skydome in Toronto," said Hermione.

" Um I think we should leave, maybe," said Ron, "the muggles are staring."

So Sirius flew the car out of the open roof and landed it with a bump in the street next to a hotel.

"Ok Miss Smarty-pants," said Fred, "where are we again?"

"In Toronto," Hermione said and seeing their blank faces added, " in Canada you dummies."

"Ohh Canada," said Lee Jordan, "cool!"

"Hey Lee how did you get here?" asked George, " we didn't bring you."

"I have no idea how I got here, but I'm leaving right now, I know when I'm not wanted," Lee said with a tear in his eye. He opened the door and climbed out muttering to himself about not being wanted.

"Well, I hope that's the last of the surprises," Ginny said, "I don't think I could handle any more excitement."

Sirius and the others unloaded all their stuff and checked into the hotel. Their trunks seemed to be strangely heavier than when they had put them in the trunk.

Fortunately, Sirius had changed some of his wizard money into muggle money before they left. It was also a good thing that wizard money was worth a lot more than Canadian dollars, so that he had more money now than he did before he changed it to muggle money. 


	4. nooo fight the urge!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, any of the other characters, chia pets, Barney, light sabres or any of the stuff in this chapter so don't sue me.

The next morning after Hermione had finished explaining about it, they went to go visit the CN tower. Just after they had finished lunch in the revolving restaurant, Voldemort, Wormtail, Mr. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle came bursting in.

" What are you doing here?" Harry asked Voldemort, " and how did you get here?" Then Harry realise how stupid his last question was, but no one seemed to care.

"As for what we're doing here," said Voldemort, "I thought even you could figure that one out. We're here to kill you what else. And for the somewhat tougher question of how we got here, for your information, we rode in your trunks. It was Wormtail's idea."

" But why didn't you just apparate?" Fred asked Voldemort, " or are you too stupid to have thought of that?"

" Because car trips are way more fun," said Mr. Malfoy, "even if we were crammed into your trunks. Whoever owns those hideous maroon socks seriously needs to wash them."

" Yeah well, I challenge you to a duel," said Ron bravely, "we all do."

Hermione whispered to Ron, "No we don't."

"Ah well, too late now, we're duelling, but no wands!" Ron said shouting the last part for everyone to hear. By now all the muggles had left because this was just too weird.

At this, Fred and George pulled out light sabres, Sirius pulls out a Chia pet and Harry, Ron and Hermione whip out some nun chucks. 

" All right, we'll play your way," said Voldemort. He and the other Death Eaters pulled out singing Barney dolls and press their bellies, making the Barneys start to sing the Barney theme song.

Suddenly, Sirius drops his Chia pet and falls to the floor singing, "I love you, you love meeee…"

"Oh no they've got Sirius!" Hermione yelled.

Then Ginny comes out of the bathroom, sees what's going on and picks up the Chia pet and throws it at Voldemort. She misses and it flies off the edge of the observation deck and hit's a street vendor below.

"Oh damn," said Ginny and runs away.

"Oh you'll pay for that," said George while he and Fed wildly swung their light sabres at Crabbe and Goyle. Both Cabbe and Goyle step backwards onto the glass floor and, being so heavy break through the floor and fell and landed on the street vendor. Their barney dolls break but they grab their backup dolls and rush back toward the tower to rejoin the fight. Then Fred and George succumb to the irresistible song and slump to the floor, singing in unison, " we're a happy famileeee…"

Soon after Ron starts to hum the now familiar tune.

"Fight the urge Ron!" Hermione screams still swinging her nun chucks wildly.

" But its sooo beauuuuuutifull," Ron replies and drops his nun chucks and starts to sing, "with a great big hug and a…"

"Kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me toooo!" Hermione joins in, unable to fight the urge any longer.

Voldemort and the other Death Eaters, including Crabbe and Goyle who had returned from their little "adventure", start to laugh, " just give up Potter, you can't win." said Voldemort, "contrary to popular belief this is how your parents died too, they couldn't resist either."

" Hey Voldy," Harry said, stalling for time so he could think what to do, " why do they call you Death Eaters eh? Do you like, eat road kill or something?"

Voldemort lunges for Harry just as Dumbledore comes in with Ginny. Dumbledore silences the barney dolls and casts a spell that causes the Death Eaters and Voldemort to fall to their deaths off the tower .

The Barneys gone, the weird trance that the others were in was lifted and they all stopped singing suddenly.

"Oh thank you Professor Dumbledore," Hermione said, " you have saved us from fate worse than death, spending the rest of our lives singing the Barney song. How can we ever repay you?"

"Yes," said Sirius, " that was the worst thing I ever went through and I was in Azkaban. How can we ever repay you Dumbledore?"

" Well for starters, Sirius," Dumbledore said, " you can give me MY car back, you know the one you STOLE!"

" Deal," said Sirius. And they all packed up their stuff and went back to Dumbledore's car, but before getting in Sirius started them off in a chain of punch buggying, ending with Dumbledore who laughed and got in. 

Then they lived happily ever after because Voldemort is gone forever… OR IS HE??

Thanks to all of you who reviewed.


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